Confrontation

Stinks. No one likes it--except my especially tenacious billing lady (don't worry she is going after Insurance Companies who make it their life's work to deprive doctors of a living wage). When we are wronged, most of us adopt self-sabotaging behaviors. Communication Nation gives good advice here.

It can be summed up thus:

Go to your brother. Don't gossip. Don't implode. Don't rage. Don't run someone over with a big, bad SUV and then run over them again and again and again and again and again. What? Oh, yes, yes.... I was meaning to say that the Bible actually has some good stuff in this regard. Only problem is, no one likes to follow this advice. When wronged, Matthew 18 (verse 15) has a very good way to deal with conflict:

1. Go to your brother and explain how you've been wronged and how you'd like it resolved.
2. If he still won't hear you, bring one or two witnesses to hear the exchange, again, and back you up.
3. If he still won't hear you, go to the authorities. (Only if the wrong will cause extended great harm--I add this because some people feel that any personal slight must be remedied, which most don't. Those that rise to this level are ethical breaches, malicious disregard for the business, etc.)

Often, Whistle Blowers skip Step1 and Step 2 and go directly to Step 3. The New York Times is grateful for this as front page news often comes this way. That's not to say this isn't at times justified because it can be.

Going to Step 3 sits better, though, when people try to make things right in an adult, reasoned, loving (yes, loving) way. When confronting a brother (even when they are wildly wrong and you are totally, completely, 100% right) it is wise to come to the table entertaining the possibility that you might be missing part of the picture. It is helpful to come to the confrontation desiring a peaceful, helpful resolution. Coming to the confrontation with all the subtlety of a kamikazie pilot tends to get results--just not the results one desires.