Grandparents: Too Busy for the Little Ones

Well, well, well.... Dr. Helen posts about grandparents doing their own thang and ignoring their grandkids. She suspects that these grandparents were probably not great parents. Maybe.

I dunno. Many grandparents are helping to raise their grandkids to help out the working parents. Not so strange really. When society was more agrarian, the younger people worked on the farm and the older people did what they could at home.

Some grandparents we know who spent their golden years in Florida came back home because they knew they would need the kid's help in their ending years. That strikes me as selfish. Let me understand, you don't want to watch the kids, hang out with them, help the parents in any way, but these are the same kids you'd like to help take care of you? It seems that a lot of old people are counting on their children being far more benevolent then they were.

I can hear the older folks say, "But I didn't ask my kids to have kids! They aren't mine afterall!" No they aren't. You are absolutely correct. And everyone is relieved when the responsibility lifts from the shoulders post-child rearing. It is something I look forward to, in fact.

But where are our priorities as a society? I'm torn. Once the kids move out and on, lots of women go and get jobs not just for the money but because they want to accomplish something for themselves. Since in my life, I've tried to balance this, it is hard for me to imagine that goal as such a burning hunger once the kids move out. Grad school: been there, done that. Interesting work: there and doing that. Travelling, yes. Writing more, yes.

Still, what is life without my kids? That is life. And once they have kids, even more wow! Friends of ours have very busy, yet very involved parents who split their time between their Winter home and up North. They make sure and have the Holidays together--Thanksgiving in Florida. Christmas in New York. The grandparents take all the grandkids for two weeks every summer to give the parents a break--the parents come for a week if they want. The grandparents play tennis, or work part time or do whatever for fun. Grandkids figure into that.

Perhaps a bigger issue is that families move all over the country for the success of business. Grandparents who are homebodies don't especially relish the idea of jetsetting cross country to see the grandkids. Or they worry about a fixed income. Or they are just plain not interested in kids all that much, never mind that Oswalt the III looks just like Grandpappy and acts like him too. Who cares, right?

Society is more disconnected, no question. There doesn't seem to be the affection for the grandkids, or children anymore, just generally. Kids seem to be a nuisance to be tolerated--and not just by old people.

Several friends of mine said, "ARE YOU INSANE?" When we considered another kid. Kids are soooo expensive! When we put our sons in the same bedroom people say, "Why do they share a room?"

Why not? Have we got so disconnected that sharing a room, having companionship is bad for kids? Heaven forbid we (shhhhh!) share.

While I can't put my finger on the problem exactly, it does seem to me that a big chunk of society suffers from narcissitic disorder. The underlying belief seems to be: if I give to someone else, I must give up something I want coupled with the belief that sharing with anyone is a loss.

Mark Twain has a quote: To have the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.

Is it any wonder that we have people who are old and alone while children languish alone with their X-Box's at home? There is something wrong with this picture.