Britney Spears Reveals More Than Her Body

Dr. Melissa pop culture maven extraordinaire feels compelled to comment about Ms. Spear's latest visual revelation. Back in black, the 20-something hot mama generates even more press about her pregnancy than the rest of her messy life--if that were possible. Married to K-Fed, the honky-tonk lookin', rap spewin', fancy dancin', one-man-penny-lovin' marvel leech, the pregnancy upstages her train-wreck of a union to said marvel, her parenting antics and most importantly, her breasts. Are they enhanced or not? (As a side note, I don't think so. I think that her hormones go up and down, she is well-versed with taping said appendages and her weight goes up and down, too. She is one of the lucky girls who gets bigger boobs when she gains weight.) Voyeurs everywhere must know.

A few things about this one-woman industry fascinate me.

1. In a world absolutely saturated with everything sex, and with Ms. Spears being one of the canniest explioters of this era, even her bumping, grinding, Dominatrix wearing, Madonna-kissing antics get less press than when she is photographed pregnant and in all her God-given fertile glory. I don't think that people recoil at the unborn child being exploited. Tom Cruise could have hardly done more of that had he posed naked. I think most people recoil at the image of a woman embodying the dichotomy--pregnancy is overtly sexual isn't it? It reveals that the little kumquat isn't just a tease, afterall. And, she's a mother.
   
2. Britney's damning press about her mothering stikes me as hypocritical and mean. Every first time mother screws up over and over. Every third time mother screws up. A lot. Okay, I'm projecting. Every mother knows this and is grateful her myriad foibles aren't plastered on Page One. Why must Britney be a bad mother? Could it be because you can't possibly be sexy and a good (okay average) mother, too? And add to this, Britney has taken some time out of her career and yet she is written off like a has-been who has thrown it all away for marriage (blech!) and children (double blech!!). I find the glee over her mommy troubles disturbing and overreaching and not-so-subtly misogynist.
3. Marriage: The most difficult contract one ever enters even with Mr. or Ms. Perfection. Kevin Federline is no one's idea of perfection. Even, it seems, for his overwrought wife Britney. This aspect of Ms. Spear's personal life is so compelling because it's so common. Bad-news husbands are as old as the world's second oldest profession and hardly unique. What has changed even more in this era is the role that dirt-bag hubby fills. At one time, he usually at least worked while schtupping Sally the Secretary. No longer. The low-down, no-good leaves the working to his wife and generously let's her bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, give birth, care for children and wait on him hand and foot in all his lazy glory. Now, some guys will say, "'Bout damn time! Women have been sitting around on their every growing arses, eating bon-bons, while the kids wreck the house ah paid for and then, when I finally get sick of it and find me a more lovin' touch, divorces me and steals all mah dough!" Not only is this woman-hating bile, it also displays a serious lack of self-respect. Dude, get a job or at least be a respectable House Husband. Side note: Crappy rapping doesn't count.

Britney Spears is a modern woman in all senses. She hooked up with a still-taken guy with a pregnant wife. She has worked hard her whole life to attain her wealth, fame and status (such as it is these days). She suffers the humiliation of being married to a bum. Britney tries to balance work and family and ends up nearly dropping her kid on his round head (how metaphorical is that?). And to top it all off, she's pregnant again with the doofus she knows she should never have married to begin with. And to predict the future: This woman will divorce her husband, be a single mom to two children and have to pay alimony.

Her life reveals far more than the new Harper's Bazaar cover. Britney Spear's life reveals "equality" in all its glory. Ain't it great?