Friday, July 28, 2006

Lance Bass & His Sexuality

Do you really care? I mean, really. Do you assume, like I do, that most Hollywood types have the self-esteem and standards of your local prostitute or lawyer or used car salesman and do what feels good with whomever fells good whenever feels right? Maybe I overgeneralize.

As far as Mr. Bass goes, what was the giveaway? That he wears blue eye-liner? What? Is it just the straight guys I know who shun the MAC counter or is my circle limited? Come on.

Same goes for Ricki Martin. Rosie O'Donnell was a mystery to no one. Clay Aikin, poor baby, too. Cynthia Nixon, shocking. Ellen DeGeneres another shock. What is shocking is that these people think that their personal life is shocking.

Oh and let's feel sorry for cheaters Anglelina and Brad. And for that matter, let's feel sorry for Jennifer Anistan jumping out of the frying pan and into the Vince Vaughn fryer. And keep crying for Nick Lache and so-not godly Jessica Simpson. Oh and tears for Tori--she of the former rich girl, home-wrecking fame.

And Chelsea Clinton isn't ugly. And Lindsey Lohan isn't a lush. And Justin Timberlake is into committment and will marry Cameron Diaz.....someday. And Guy Ritchie isn't sick of being a house husband. And Madonna isn't getting old. And no one has anorexia 'cuz it's normal to be six feet tall and weigh 70 pounds.

And the best one of all: Brittney Spear's husband isn't a no-talent ass-clown, gold-diggin' wannabe. Oh no. He is a good husband. He is a stellar father. And he is, most of all, very high class.

Supposedly these mysteries to no one have been outted by a gossip blogger who is saying what everyone, anyone, with half a brain already knows and doesn't really care about. Oh they care, superficially, in a salacious, these aren't really people, they are pretty heads on a stick-kind of way.

Yup, these celebs live super-duper double secret rarefied lives. And they do. Except the secret part. Sorry crazy cat superstars: when we see you over and over and over and over in every form of media we do get your vibe. And that includes which team you're batting for.

We. Don't. Care.

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