The New York Times has this article: To Have, Hold, and Cherish Until Bedtime. It's about spouses having separate bedrooms.
In a survey in February by the National Association of Home Builders, builders and architects predicted that more than 60 percent of custom houses would have dual master bedrooms by 2015, according to Gopal Ahluwalia, staff vice president of research at the builders association. Some builders say more than a quarter of their new projects already do.Evidently a lot of people are embarrassed:
Not everyone wants to talk about it. Many architects and designers say their clients believe there is still a stigma to sleeping separately. Some developers say it is a delicate issue and call the other bedroom a “flex suite” for when the in-laws visit or the children come home from college. Charles Brandt, an interior designer in St. Louis, said, “The builder knows, the architect knows, the cabinet maker knows, but it’s not something they like to advertise because right away people will think something is wrong” with the marriage.I talked about this phenomenon before (another case of the NYT's being slow on the uptake). Here's what I said:
Along the same lines of sentimentality, who decided that it was a good idea for married couples to share a bedroom, a bed and a bathroom? I mean, isn't enough that one must live F-O-R-E-V-E-R with the same person, watch them grow old and pretend not to see said person clipping his or her toenails for eternity?And this, too, seems timely:
Separate sleeping, dressing and hygiene quarters solves soooo many problems. You want your laundry done? Do it. You want a clean bathroom? Clean it. You want to stay up 'til 2 a.m.? Fine, disrupt your own sleep. You want to fart a blue streak? You smell it.There's more in my post, if you're interested. Here's the NYT's conclusion:
So many romantics (most with secretly crappy marriages, I'll venture to guess) will wax elephant about cuddling, snuggling, and intimacy. Pish posh! Canoodling ends precisely two minutes after the dirty deed is done and lasts for two minutes before the hubby "feels out" if "it" is going to happen. If it's a negatory, guess what? All coziness ends and snoring commences.
Conjugal visits can be arranged. Conversational interludes can be scheduled into Blackberries.
In the olden days, marriage was a contract that included fidiciary duty and conjugal dues. Friendship was a plus. Companionship a bonus. Love a blessing.
And even if you had all that, you still didn't have to share your bed without an invitation, your bedroom without a knock on the door, and good heavens...never your bathroom.
Futurist Faith Popcorn predicted "nesting" (staying in instead of going out), I predict married couples cohabitating independently. (And happier, too.)
The Peppers agree: separate bedrooms have added spice to their relationship. “It’s more exciting,” Mrs. Pepper said, “when you can say: ‘Your room or mine?’ ”I have recommended that patients use a spare bedroom to sleep separately. It is inhumane to not sleep for years because a spouse snores and have one's health decline because of it. I think that the old taboos surrounding this issue will evaporate as more and more couples continue their sleeping separately due to babies, or health, or snoring, or just wanting their own space after a busy day.
Will this trend cut into marital cohesion or will it help? I think it depends on the couple, but it sure sounds good to me. (I'm just imaging how I'd decorate my own suite, right now.) Sweet!