Why Don't 10,000 People Read My Blog A Day?

John Hawkins has 10 reasons why bloggers don't succeed (and by succeed, I'm saying, making a shit load of money from something I absolutely love doing):

1. They're just not very good. You know, I resemble that remark. When I read James Lileks or Rachel Lucas and their takes are so unique and incisive and funny, it's humbling. Even Mickey Kaus and especially Glenn Reynolds say things so succinctly and with such refreshing clarity, I think, hey why didn't I say it that way? So yeah, I suck, but I'm hoping that if I work really, really hard, I'll suck less ten years from now. Hey, a girl can dream.
   
2. The don't cover interesting material. Ironically enough, when I've polled my readers, half of them HATE the politics (hello, mom's friends) and half of them HATE when I talk about health-related or life-related stuff. So, at any given time, I'm irritating half my readership. I'm a people-pleaser being first-born and all, and I've tried to give a little to everyone, but what I end up doing is just trying to please myself and write about what I want to write about. At least I make me happy. Well, sometimes. Actually, not really.
   
3. They're not unique enough. I'm not sure about this one. I'm pretty weird. I don't know how that translates into "unique" writing. And sometimes I do feel like I'm in an ideological echo-chamber. That gets annoying. Must be more unique. Must be more unique.
4. They don't network. OK. This is DEFINITELY a problem for me. It takes time and effort. I'm trying to be better about it, but I'm still shy about asking someone for a link to my blog. The first person I did that with, The Anchoress, was so kind and generous to me I almost cried. I felt like the new kid at school asking to sit with a new person at lunch. I still feel that way and just wish more people would blog roll me. I need to ask more. New resolution: ask more.
5. They don't promote their work. Sigh. Once again, I feel funny sending a post to someone and saying, "Hey, I think this is pretty great." Feels weird. But I use other people's work when they promote it to me--if I find it interesting. So, why wouldn't others do the same for me? Resolution 2: Promote more.
6. They're not consistent enough. I went through a worn-out spell back around the holidays. I was just not interested in blogging and my creative juices have been kinda dry in the last couple of months. Bleh. This political cycle has sucked donkey balls. Iraq is calming down. Well, kinda. The press still hates Bush, but he's going to be gone soon and there just seems to be a vacuum without Bush-hate to fill it. Nothing too bad is going to be said about Hillary or Barack and ass-kissing is just boring. Ditto McCain. Anywayyyyyy, I haven't been inspired politically. Health-wise, same deal. Drugs are bad for you. Most drugs have side effects. Don't use them. And don't get sick in the first place because it sucks. See? Not much to say in the endless stream of information. So, that's why I've been spouting off about relationships. That's something we can all relate to right?
7. They do their initial promos too early. Whatever. Don't do promos. This doesn't apply.
8. They don't link out enough. Well, I link out. A lot. But I do tend to have my favorites. And so I don't frequent obscure blogs as much. Or, if a blogger will say the same thing I know that someone else will say better, I link to the better guy. Did I mention that I love Iowahawk? Because I do. He's such a manly blogger and I'd like to meet him because he' funny and has a rotten streak. I like men with a rotten streak. He also just spoofed Hillary which makes me love him more. Sigh. He has a girlfriend, not to mention his honeys. That was all a big aside, by the way.
9. They don't post enough each day. Now, John is just getting personal. Damn. I know I don't post enough, but dammit, I have three kids, five hundred loads of laundry, a part-time job, home schooling, a dog that's potty training--mostly all over the house--and the kids have been sick for two months straight (they're finally better). I'm friggin' busy! Meanwhile, dudes like John luxuriate in their bubble baths talking to babes and considering their own fine prose. When you see spelling and grammatical errors here, you know why? Because I have a two year old plunking on keys on my lap, that's why! Interferes with writing just a bit. Bleh. I know. I know. Excuses. Excuses. Well, they're valid. I do have a life outside of blogging. Sure, it's a relatively pathetic one, but I do have one.
10. They don't hang around long enough. Oh, I'm hanging. I'm hanging on by a wee thread. My eyesight is going. My shoulders hurt because this chair sucks. My laptop has been abused by my technologically gifted toddler. And still, I press on waiting for my toils to turn into what? Well, I would like to make some money at this whole ordeal. That would be good.

So, now we've established why I'm a middle-of-the-pack average, actually, below-average, well, that might be too generous too, OK! OK!, just plain shitty blogger. We'll see if I can turn this little boat around. Maybe.