Friday, May 02, 2008

American Up!

Who wants to hear someone bitch about his (or her) life? No one except a highly compensated professional who is getting something out of the exchange. Otherwise, after a certain point, no one gives a flip about your sad sack life. Everyone has his story. Everyone has one.

That is not to say that past grievances don't affect the present. They do. Our traumas and experiences shape who we are today, but they don't have to define who we are or who we become in a bad way. That is to say, just because someone wronged us, we are not excused for holding on to our victim status and victimizing others. We choose now how life goes.

Oh, wah! Yesterday, I ruffled some men feathers when I suggested that men need to toughen up, "butch" up, man up. However you want to say it. I like real men. I am all for men being men. And I am all for women letting men be men and not diminishing them for their manliness. How in Sam Hill did my post get turned into some paeon to turning back the clock to another generation when men were men and "women knew their place"? The post wasn't about money. It wasn't about women going back to the kitchen. It wasn't about men being aggressive, abusive assholes and that's what makes a man. It wasn't about women being subservient haus fraus cranking out fifteen kids to prove their feminine worth. What the post was about is simply that I wondered if an unintended consequence of women in the work world was that men felt that their worth was diminished. I was posing a question, not saying that I believed that. And I do feel that men need to take pride in their career (and if, DJ, the career is staying home and caring for the kids and running the house, so be it). Have some self-respect, is all.

And let me make this plain: I recognize that women, and the feminist movement in particular, has made men wrong. From elementary school through to adult life, men are treated like stupid children. The aggressive, kick-butt nature of a man is diminished and mocked in our society. I don't watch sitcoms for that reason. They are frigging insulting to both men and women. But the men are made to look like utter fools. It's disrespectful.

Now, today, I was going to do a post going after the women who diminish men and feel entirely justified in doing so, but I think this issue transcends gender. These days, men and women, black and white, straight and gay, rich and poor seem to want to take on the mantle of victim status. So taking on the role of victim, the male commenters believe they would have great lives, if they weren't ruined by the evil woman. Here's the thing: It might well be true, but what purpose is served by becoming a cynical jackass who feels entitled to treat the next woman like all women are horrible. The complaining men don't realize they're proving my point about men needing to man up.

The Jeremiah Wright debacle has scraped the same victimhood scab off race relations. It is not enough now to have equal rights. Blacks are better. And yet, like the feminists, the preachers of hate, encourage the continued victim status while simultaneously aggrandizing themselves because being black or possessing ovaries is innately better.

And this is the point that GayPatriot was making and I agree:

Let me get this straight (excuse the insulting word, by the way). Gay activists are up in arms because NC Governor Mike Easley used the word “pansy.”

Well, God help us all. If Gay Americans don’t learn to get a tougher skin…their heads are going to be lopped off even easier than straight Americans when the Islamists are in power in Western Europe.

For all of the wailing from the Left over their claimed “non-issues” like flag-burning, wearing the flag on your chest, and supporting the troops — Pansygate makes the Gay Left look even more ridiculous and irrelevant than ever.

If Gay American activists were constantly up in arms about the worldwide threat to our community by an organized group of murderous Islamists, I might have more sympathy to those “completely offended” by Gov. Easley’s “pansy”.

I am not. Grow up, and get over the victimization mentality, folks.

It is absolutely disturbing that every class of Americans now views themselves as a victim to someone. And that victimhood entitles the victim to special rights, remember. I mean, that's what this is all about.

The victim is perpetually above criticism, reproof, comment. The victim deserves to be coddled, cared for and supported. The victim is at the helpless whims of the big evil bogeyman, bogeywoman, bogey society, bogey government. But the most important thing of all: the victim cannot possibly be expected to change or take charge of his or her own life. And by claiming and maintaining victimhood, the person is safe. His or her life will never change. How can it? The only person who can make a person's life better is himself. When he (or she) gives the power away to other people, the other gender, the government, etc. he gets the satisfaction of being able to blame ad infinutum someone else. That's some hollow satisfaction.

The sick thing is, I'm afraid way to0 many American citizens are more interested in externalizing the responsibility and being able to blame and being a victim than are interested in seeing themselves as powerful and agents for change in their own lives. It's pathetic. And it's un-American.

Where is that independent, conquering spirit? Where is that noble virtue? Where is that common decency? THAT is the American way. This philosophy plays out personally. Damn skippy that the personal is the political. There are still many, many strong-minded, hard-working, independent Americans who embrace the freedom and the responsibility that comes with it to make their lives look the way they want them.

A nation of victims won't last long. And while wimpy Americans fuss and fight over their skin color, gonads and victim status, they ignore a true existential crisis. Maybe I shouldn't have said we need to "man up", maybe I should have kept it more general: We need to American up.

Oh, and don't worry, I'll talk about women soon.


Anonymous said...

I think folks were a bit over-reacting here. When I read your post, I did not get the message at all that this was against men...although I do agree that perhaps a different terminology than "man up" could have been used. However, the over all post was understood, I thought.

I think the victim mentality is rampant right now. Not only do people see themselves as victims in many instances...but they also work at making themselves victims...and go to great lengths to do so.

I think a deeper questions needs to be asked here. Why is this happening? Not just to a few, but to so many people? Why is there a need to play the victim on such a large scale? I would love for you to post on that if you have thoughts on this. Not sarcastically but sincerely addressing it.

kman said...

Why do so many play the victim? Because it's easy and society rewards it. And what happens to behavior that gets rewarded? Thats right... you get more of it.

I have said for a long time that we have an epidemic of people not willing to take responsibility for their actions. To me that should be the definition of America Up. Taking responsibility regardless of the cost. Saying the buck stops here.

Good luck finding a role model in today's society to look to for this.

The other side of this is that in order to reward people taking responsibility for their actions... you have to forgive them of their shortcomings. You also need to acknowledge that they took responsibility and cut them extra slack for doing so.

David said...

When Peter Drucker first came to the US from Austria, sometime in the 1930s, he was struck by the fact that every group: businessmen, labor, academics--all felt unappreciated by the larger society. And he thought it was great!..because it demonstrated that none of these groups was totally dominant.

Not exactly the same thing as the victim mentality, but slightly related.

Melissa Clouthier said...


So perhaps people came to America because they were persecuted and stayed with a persecution complex! Ha! Very funny.

Everyone is a victim because no one is in domination. Interesting.

Kevin L said...

I don't think that America has turned wimpy. Those you hear tend to just be those that shill the loudest. Whereas those with the 'can-do' attitude don't bother, because well... we can do and make do and succeed.

The sad thing is that those that shill tend to be rewarded for it, and becoming by a victim get what they want in some form or fashion anyways.

Anonymous said...

I am a regular reader here and I just want to say that I find it deeply disrespectful for leave comments such as anon.8:18 and 9:35. Participating in a debate is a far cry from insulting a person on a personal level. Please show some respect here!

Melissa Clouthier said...

I have never had to say this before, but I guess I'm having to say it now. Comments that disagree are fine. In fact, I welcome them. Comments that name call and stray off topic will be deleted.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you leave them up and let people decide?

Answer: Because the posts were speaking the truth and your overwhelming, bloated ego can't accept that.

Go ahead and delete this as well. I suspect you will be getting quite a bit more deletion work in the future.

Keep taking pot-shots and then deleting responses to it, honey.

Anonymous said...

Let me guess ... "Dr." Melissa got a Ph.D. in psychology, sociology or cross-disciplinary gender and ethnic studies.

Her thinking processes are showcased above. That's what a doctorate gets you.

In any case, I will bet the farm that she doesn't have a doctorate that took some work, like in physics or molecular biology.

It's too funny ... people with the easy ones are always rubbing their titles in people's faces. I even saw a woman last week who always puts "M.A." after her name. What's next, "B.A." or "GED Candidate" after your name? Bejeezus.

Anonymous said...

"but what purpose is served by becoming a cynical jackass who feels entitled to treat the next woman like all women are horrible. The complaining men don't realize they're proving my point about men needing to man up."

-"On an individual basis, there are times when we need to sink to someone's level in order to dispense some justice,"

Sometimes you just have to let the other side know, Chilvalry or not- Cut it the hell out and get off OUR backs. Women have NEVER BEEN CONCERNED about Men before men started calling them out and women started to be affected. And after seeing the esteemened and lettered Dr. Clouthier reasoned-callousness, the attacks are going to get worse. If I manned-up how would women even KNOW that they are wrong? I would just merely go on my way. Melissa treats the victim as the aggressor and in her world all persons under assault have no reason to protest it. -Shake it off?!-True lunacy!!! I imagine in avoiding victimhood status that the good Dr. would probably give up writing as it has the misfortune of including her OPINION, which she should clearly see is another form of claiming victimhood. Now us Americans are bad?!

"The complaining men don't realize they're proving my point about men needing to man up."

-She's indeed hopeless. Read her original article, If your a real American man that is!! pffft

Chalmers said...

Funny thing about anonymous comments... If they are so insightful, why don't you sign your name? Be proud of your brilliance!

My advice to any blogger is to not allow anonymous comments. If you are not willing to sign your name, your perspective is of no value.

Anonymous said...


Has it occurred to you that you are not posting your real name and address?

I find no difference if I write this checking the "anonymous" button or if I do the extra work of logging in under a Blogger name on Google with an anonymous e-mail address.

I don't know who you are any more than you know who I am.

I suspect the real problem is that you want to complain in any way possible about people who don't like Melissa. I don't like her entitlement attitude either, frankly, so you can also rail against me.

Anonymous said...

Melissa's message: America up! Man up! Butch up! Do what I say!

My message to Melissa: Grow up

Chalmers said...


It is pretty simple, you don't sign your name for a reason. I wasn't railing against anyone. And for the record, I use my name in all posts (I have nothing to hide).

I say again, "If you are not willing to sign your name, your perspective is of no value."

I don't mind if you don't like Melissa, that is your prerogative. I am pretty sure she cares little about your dislike. I just find your cowardice comical. That is the thing about anonymity, it gives courage to cowards.

Anonymous said...

This is truly progress for men.

In the past, you had to get married to be nagged by an overweight, middle-aged, entitled bitch.

Now you can just go onto the Internet and get it anytime you want!

Anonymous said...


Get a hobby or something, you loser.

Put your address and phone number up here, otherwise some people are going to start thinking you are a coward.

MensaRefugee said...

One would need to read the three articles here to even begin to expand their views on men and women.

Chalmers said...


Quite the witty retort. I do have a hobby... poking gals like you with a sharp stick. Have a nice day.

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