Thursday, May 15, 2008

He's Just Not That Into You Because You're A Dumbass & A Vegetarian

Back in the day, and it was some time ago, when I was in college there were girls who had lists of what they found exciting and acceptable in a man. Heck, I knew guys who had the same thing. For me, there was no list and no type. Whatever. You were either interesting and hot or you were not. That's rather broad and did bring a number of different guys through my life. The "List People" seemed rather self-limiting. And who wants to find out that they "measured up" and made all the checks after the fact?

Anyway, Karol Sheinen talks about a NYT article about single people eliminating dates based on the books they read (or, these days, the books they don't read, because 99% of people including the pretentious snobs pretending to read Proust being written about in the Times don't read at all). And then she talks about shared food habits and how it can make or break a relationship or at least strain it:

I.C. is the first boyfriend I've had that I feel matches my eating habits almost exactly (and I don't just say that because I'm in lalaland over him, sending him texts all day declaring my affection and wearing his shirt because it smells like him). We nearly always share every dish we get. He's slightly more adventurous than me, and I love mushrooms while he hates them, but otherwise we're pretty close to a perfect fit.

So what matters to you? Books, food or neither? Is the perfect person the perfect person no matter what they read or eat?

Does it seem strange that after years of marriage I haven't given this much thought? A certain level of comprehension and ability to communicate seems to be important. The ability to read and picking up a book now and again displays some level of intellectual curiosity. But does the reading topic matter? It's nice to have shared food and reading interests, but necessary? I guess a man with an obsession with craw fish could be a stopper. Craw fish stinks like shit and old fish. So maybe....

These are definitely deal breakers:
Wrong kind of reading
Wrong kind of eating
Both could break the deal
Neither matters if you love the person free polls


Jason said...

Reading matter isn't too important except insofar as it serves as a window into the woman's character.

As for eating habits, I'd prefer someone who wasn't particularly high-maintenance. In my experience, vegetarians are both difficult to eat with and self-righteous about it, which is a serious turn-off.

Wayne said...

As far as eating goes, I would say it depends on how far apart your eating preferences are. My cooking choices are extremely constrained by my wife's taste, and if I wasn't the type to eat nearly anything that doesn't bite back too hard, we would have a serious problem. In fact, it's very difficult to even find a restaurant that we can both agree on (that hasn't become boring because it 's the only place we eat). Throw our kids into the mix, and eating out becomes an exercise in "who is going to be disappointed today?".

Melissa Clouthier said...

The key is marrying someone who's mother never cooked or was a bad cook. Happy spouse!

Sniggler said...

My husband and I are probably as opposite to each other as any two people can be. He's a doctor/lawyer, I'm an engineer. Mindsets are completely different, but it does make for interesting discussions.

With food, he is Danish, I'm not. There are dishes he likes that I don't care much about, and there are dishes I like that he's not too happy with. It could also be just little variations on the same dish. Meatballs, for example. He likes it with bread crumbs and milk; I like mine with tons of garlic and onions.

But we never fight about it because we just end up with a "his version" and "her version" of the same meal. It's not much more trouble to do it, and we end up cooking together. When I really want one of my dishes, I cook him one of his dishes, too. It never bothered us to be eating different foods, as long as we're eating together. In fact, I enjoy cooking his favorite dishes for him, even though I end up not eating it at all.

As for books, I like sf/fantasy and he's into historical novels. No big deal. He sometimes reads my books when I rave about it enough (and he actually enjoyed a few), and I've tried some of his books.

I can't imagine marrying someone who is exactly like me, and I'm very happy with my wonderful husband. Although he does get some strange cravings (stinky cheese, for one). But, eh, the good things vastly outnumber the stinky ones.

Karol said...

Thanks for the link!

I would disqualify a (hot) man based on his eating habits but it's so much more convenient to match in what you eat than not. Eating is romantic, it's nice to have a similar outlook on it.

knights said...

Just guess I am lucky. My wife is a great cook and she has made very few things I don't like.

Chalmers said...

Knock the horns off, wipe its ass and throw it on the plate.

I am not sure that I would disqualify a vegetarian, but it would be a pain in the ass. I love steak. I like chicken. I like lamb, turkey, duck, venison, bison, fish... basically anything that has to be killed before I can eat it. The wilder, the better. I eat vegetables, but only because I should.

The self righteous attitude that usually accompanies teetotalers, vegetarians, vegans, hybrid drivers, etc is what is annoying.

The gaunt Man said...

I've only ever had a simple "checklist" for dating, but it made my life simpler back then (and snagged me a fabulous wife):

1. I can wake up next to her without flinching (anyone who says looks are unimportant is ugly, lying, or both).
2. I can put up with her crap.
3. She can put up with my crap.

Simple rules, but you'd be amazed how quickly it can narrow the field. Especially #3.

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