Friday, June 06, 2008

Airline Fat Fees

Watch out obese, corpulent, fatties, your airplane tickets are going to be more expensive. Yes, everyone is going to be paying more, but fat people, they are going be paying bigger prices to go with their bigger bodies. Well, this all might happen. Or, people might be weighed with their luggage and pay a collective price.

As if the whole process of boarding a stinky, germ-infested airborne cattle car isn't degrading enough, you'll be weighed like, well, a cow. And if you're fat, like a fat cow. Now here is what I'm picturing: You schlep to the airport two hours early, you drag your luggage, you go to check in with the irritated masses, you finally get to the check-in counter. The attendant sizes your rotund body up, sizes your bulging luggage up and says: Miss, please get your lard ass on the scale with your luggage. That will be $75 extra--$2 for every extra pound over the limit.

After that humiliation, you take your paunchy rear to the security line. Barely making eye-contact, the security officer with the GED and surly attitude thinks you're shady and says, "Miss, please stand your blond haired, blue-eyed body in front of the scanner, we are going to look at your person and check for parts of bomb-making material and we'd really like to X-ray you. Stand right here. Thank you. Hey Squid, come take a look at these....ju..., I mean bottles." After being searched, partially disrobed and man-handled, you'll be free to get on the plane where you will be wedged into your narrow middle seat in complete physical and psychological pain.

What's your opinion?


Should airlines charge by passenger weight?
Yes
Yes, but only if luggage is weighed with them
No
pollcode.com free polls

5 comments:

MaxedOutMama said...

Well, the airlines can do whatever they wish, but I think a lot of women will be disinclined to fly.

And just imagine the company memos regarding corporate travel! Git your lardass down to the gym!

Erik said...

get on the plane where you will be wedged into your narrow middle seat in complete physical and psychological pain

How about the physical and psychological pain of being pinned up against the side of the plane for 5 hours while "sitting" in the window seat next to your weight-challenged example?? But I digress....

From the airlines' perspective, more weight = more fuel burned and less offsetting revenue from other things that could be carried...mail, freight, more paying passengers. Makes some sense, even if it seems unpopular.

I also think that people with small children should have to pay a deposit (say, $200 each!) for each child. After the flight, the passengers all vote as to the behavior of the children and the deposit is returned, pro-rated, or forfeited accordingly.

And...nobody under 21 should be allowed in first class on international flights.

(sound like someone without kids, don't I?)

Wayne said...

I would like to see how much different the fuel consumption is with, say, a 5,000-lb difference in total take-off weight before I would agree that it makes sense to weigh someone, even with their luggage.

However, though I am someone who currently walks the line between squeezing into a single seat and requiring two (I was VERY uncomfortably seated against the wall on a flight to PA a few years ago - I had to pull my shoulders in because the one was crushed against the wall and I was trying not to push my wife into the aisle), I don't have any problem with charging someone for how many seats they take up, because that reduces the revenue that the airline takes in.

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