Democrats: A Blood Sugar Crisis At The Convention

No, no! You musn't touch the greasy food!

Eight years ago, or so, I went to a week-long retreat/seminar where all the food was "healthy". No sugar. No meat. Everything was vegetarian. Well. Let me tell you, by day three, people were getting hostile. There were some internationals there, and unused to the US they didn't have vehicles, so were stuck, helplessly enslaved to health.

Meanwhile, I had brought a stash. Plus, we had a car so we could replenish our naughty supplies which included everything from salted peanuts to Cokes to Twix bars and other forms of chocolaty goodness. Can you say cool kids? Yeah, for once in my nerdified life, I was a cool kid and I promise you, it is much more fun than being an orchestra geek.

So, I'm laughing about the suckahs who are going to the Democratic convention. It's going to be healthy, ya'll, and those Lefties will be even more angry than usual. Delicious!

Among them: No fried food. And, on the theory that nutritious food is more vibrant, each meal should include "at least three of the following colors: red, green, yellow, blue/purple, and white." (Garnishes don't count.) At least 70% of ingredients should be organic or grown locally, to minimize emissions from fuel burned during transportation. "One would think," says Mr. Burns, "that the Democrats in Denver have bigger fish to bake -- they have ruled out frying already -- than mandating color-coordinated pretzel platters."

Democrats say the point is to build habits that will endure long after the convention. To that end, the city has staged "greening workshops" attended by hundreds of caterers, restaurant owners and hotel managers. "It's the new patriotism," Mayor Hickenlooper says.

I'm giggling. I'm a chiropractor and I'm all for healthy food. But a bigger principle to me is that people can eat what they dang well please and attempts by self-righteous do-gooders to impose their utopian food fantasies is just plain annoying. Which is what I explained to my co-conspirators at the well-intentioned seminar of yore. Sure, I believe that eating healthy is great, but imposed rules grate on me like carrots on a shredder. It makes me want to eat a steak, guzzle a beer, have a potato chip and chase it with some chocolate cake while singing the Star Spangled Banner at a million decibles.

The Dem Convention is just amusing though. This is self-flaggelation of the highest order. Already Hillary's people will be hating Barack's gloating hoards. Take away their sugar and caffiene and make them eat three colors and it will be colorful alright! There will be fireworks. I can't wait!