Tom Cruise's Scientological Birth Advice

Our dear, sweet Tom is full of shit. But that is no surprise to anyone these days. The master media manipulator had signs delivered to his home that his brainwashed honey Katie Holmes can read while she is birthing their child (do any of us wonder why Nicole wouldn't give the crazy man a child? Oy!). Helpful messages include: "but be silent and make all physical movements slow and ..." Yup, the Scientology folks just happened to deliver posters message side out for all of us unenlightened to read. Which we are, of course. So even this post should give Tommy some satisfaction.

A commenter at The Sun Online says, "I think it’s a fantastic idea. These boards could be employed in normal everyday life in and around the home. They could display messages such as “Do the ironing, and don’t complain about it” or “This bath won’t clean itself”. Of course these messages would be targeted at both male and female members of the household.

John Devlin
London

While screeching like a hyena tends to waste a woman's energy while birthing, forbidding the low gutteral moans (the ones guys tend to like a certain times of ahem...Tom, is different, no doubt. I bet he likes silent sex too.) is counterproductive to birthing. American midwife Ina May Gaskin says "the same energy that gets the baby in there, helps get the baby out." I agree having given birth to four babies.

My biggest beef though, is that since Thomas P. Cruise will give birth NEVER he should keep his big yapper shut. A first time mother is nervous enough about the experience and needs a bossy husband like she needs Barnum and Bailey in her delivery room. Sheesh. Men. The one thing that is really, truly female, galls thems so much they need to control even that.

May the force be with Katie. She'll need it.

As for the poor child who will get no words, no singing, because noise bothers it during the first seven days--what utter horse manure. Now, a quiet, loving environment is great. They certainly don't need the fifth fleet there with trumpets, but the child has heard everything before he is born. He's not deaf in there, doofus. Read a science book. Katie, of course, knows this because when a loud sound happens the baby jumps inside. Guess what? He'll be used to his mom's voice and dad's too. In fact, when the child cries from hunger or discomfort, mom's voice can sooth and comfort.

Double Oy!

Mama don't let your girls grow up and date cult members.