Wednesday, May 31, 2006

More Education=Better Dads

What isn't said in this article is that men with higher I.Q.s get more education, wait longer to get married and make better decisions including being involved with raising their children. They are better dads.

Here's a synopsis for you and it isn't the conclusion of the writers of the article: stupid people make stupid decisions, smart people make smart decisions. And stupid transcends race. No kidding. Shocking.

Now, here's the conclusion of the article:

But across all races, a dad's education still made all the difference, Martinez said. Well-educated men "are more likely to be married when they have children and are more likely to be active in the lives of their children," she said. "Education trumps race," she said.

One expert thinks that the report paints a positive picture, but added that dads still need support, especially those in lower-income brackets.

"This is a very optimistic picture of the role of dads and fatherhood in America," said Shelley Waters Boots, vice president for policy and programs at the Washington, D.C.-based Parents Action for Children. "It is quite affirming that a lot of dads are doing a lot of the work of parenting," she added.

"In America, we don't give parents credit for how hard it is, and how hard it is to do it well," Waters Boots said. "So, if you have higher income and more flexibility, you see dads really step up to the plate. For dads who are really struggling to bring home the paycheck, they are paying a price of not doing the parenting job they want to do. We need to be giving dads more support," she said.

"For dads who are really struggling to bring home the paycheck, they are paying a price of not doing the parenting they want to do. We need to be giving dads more support," she said.

Will that really make a difference? It sounds good on the face of it, of course. Fuzzy and feel good. What does support really mean?

A person must have a certain I.Q. to succeed in school. He must have certain reasoning skills in order to make prudent long-term decisions. Once the higher I.Q. dude finishes college, he will make more money. He will enjoy jobs that give him more autonomy. He will have the smarts to make better decisions life-wide--not just in parenting. Good decisions would include not getting a girl pregnant before he's married to her and then leaving the kid alone.

The key (politically incorrect) solution to this problem, since I.Q.s and education are unlikely to increase, is to emphasize marriage before parenthood. Even less intelligent people can make decisions for moral reasons. A married guy will in turn, even with a low I.Q. and uneducated, make more money than his single male friend, will have better health and because he is actually available, make a better father.

No one wants to say that marriage is a better solution than single parenthood. No one wants to say that marriage is preferable to divorce. No one wants to say that marriage is preferable to spawning children out of wedlock. That would be judgemental. That would lack understanding for the poor, unfortunate, ignorant souls who don't know any better.

Bull. Even stupid people can grasp simple moral truths--like it is wrong to have sex out of marriage, like it is wrong to commit adultry, like it is wrong to divorce (except for extreme cases and by extreme I don't mean "we just grew apart"). There was a time when ALL people, no matter their I.Q. or education, accepted these moral truths and acted on them. Higher education unnecessary. Men got a girl "in a motherly way" and he married her and supported them and they made the best of it.

There's no going back to those days--not with women actively choosing single parenthood in preference to dealing with a meddlesome male. But that doesn't make the new way better. Children being raised by one parent or the many permutations that make up modern families are vast social experiments. The results are just coming in--and they aren't good.

Marriage: It Does a Family Good


Anonymous said...

Hmm, how do I say this. I agree with your post here because I was taught the same thing. But my experience has made me wonder. I am referring to your statement,
"even stupid people can grasp simple moral truths-like it is wrong to have sex out of marriage", wrong to have adultry, wrong to divorce, etc.
Because of my biblical background and convictions, I wanted to be a virgin when I married. When I married at 26, my virginity was to be a "special gift" for my groom.
I wanted to be the "virtous woman" the scriptures teach. When my hymen broke on our wedding night, my newly husband was impatient and insensitive to all the pain and bleeding. Approaching nearly 20 years of marriage now, never having an orgasm with him, he contiues to beg for anal sex, spraying in my face, begging for me to swallow his cum and never wondering how any of this could make me feel. I've compromised to keep peace but some of the stuff I jus can't do. I feel my "gift" of staying a virgin as been waisted and utterly in vain. A friend of mine who had a minister for a father but religious teaching and convictions that differ from mine. She never was taught in her Mehtodist Christian home to upstain until marriage. She had a number of lovers before getting married and always had orgasms with her lovers as well as with her husband now. She even once told me that she thought I was weird for never having had sex aside from my husband. She said she would never teach her kids to wait till marriage but rather to practice safe sex. She believes that kind of biblical approach of teaching is harmful. I don't think it's harmful but in my case my "special gift" was not honored. It makes me wonder how to teach my daughter. I would never want her to experience what I have.

It seems like so many times in life, those who follow the rules get the shorter end of the stick. Those who don't seem to be freer in their approach to life. Why is that???? Damn it is hard!
I hope this is not too plain for you. Just being real becasue I know I'm not the only "Christian" out there that has or is facing this delima.

Dr. Melissa said...

This post was about parenting and fatherhood. Children fare better with their fathers in their lives. Better educated, smarter dads choose to be involved with their children. My solution, then, was to address those who are less intelligent--should these families (like is happening now) continue to abandon their children because they lack I.Q.? No. That is why the social contract of marriage is a good one. You don't have to be bright to do it.

Now, what happens in the marriage, between the partners is another matter entirely. You've put your finger on other problems: 1)women being unknowledgable about sexuality before marriage 2)lack of spousal communication 3)selfish men 4)pornography's impact. Why does gaining sexual knowledge always include fornication? (There are so many potential downsides--free sex AIN'T free.)How is it that the fact that your husband was a selfish pig only revealed itself on the wedding night? Surely there were some other indications. Finally, the pervasive impact of pornography can't be overstated. Since men and women are desensitized these days to every form of deviant sex, nearly every act is perceived as "normal" when a whole lot of it is "animal" and abusive. The problem is that what is distasteful for one couple might be fun for another. A self-respecting spouse has the right to say no to degrading sex acts.

Living a lifetime without an orgasm isn't fatal but sure is miserable. See a therapist and soon. If you need to, email me and if you live in the area, I can refer you to some fantastic therapists and even some great marriage seminars. You're only 46. That's young! Don't blame God or Christianity for your malaise, do something about it. You won't regret it.

Parrothead Dad said...

Not to over-simplify things, I think that educated fathers realize that, as with other things in their lives, that there is a positive relationship between input and output. Thinking about what your relationship is with your children and making sure that the results of your efforts are effective and amicable for both is important. Love for your children will help guide the way, but thoughtful P-A-R-E-N-T-I-N-G is a must! Unfortunatly, some fathers just don't get it.

Anonymous said...

You're right, I know what the post was about. I guess it just hit me when you spoke about sex before marriage, adultery, etc. It is a sensitive subject with me because I've always walked the straight line and have huge doubts about that now. My faith in God is not shaken only my view of human sexuality, purity and what responsibility we can take to fill our own needs. I can have orgasms on my own though, with the help of my wonderful vibrator...thank God!

Therapist have not helped me a bit. My husband is clever and he always turns it to make it look like I am the problem. Given my history, to anyone looking from the outside in, they may believe that too. I don't believe for one moment it is all me. You can give me the info that you have. I'll check into it...but unfortunatley, I am not very hopeful. I've tried almost everything and God only knows my knees are sore from all the praying I've done.

Christy're said...

I agree with you, and I am beginning to think that there's just a general divide in critical thinking skills among people (not just men). There is often a divide between cause and effect in how we parent--the kids get to misbehave and not feel long-term effects of their behavior, so they don't learn to understand that cause and effect relation. I think many well-educated families make darn well sure to develop critical thinking skills in their kids, and stupid families just enable victimization. This in turn sets people up to make stupid decisions. It's a terrible cycle.

Anonymous said...

Would you be so kind to post the info that you spoke about. I would like to check into the seminars and therapist that you think are so great.

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