Friday, June 09, 2006

Divorce: Free Lawyer's Advice at Podcast with Glen & Helen

Over at Dr. Helen's listen to a podcast on Divorce. Unfortunately, a huge chunk of people need this advice.

Here is what one lawyer told me: Divorce is war. Treat it that way.

I'm not sure about the advice, but my experience with clients and family is that it certainly feels like war. There are many casualties, too. The uncoupled partner, of course, must recover from guilt, shame, embarassment, betrayal, loss of trust and self-confidence. This is no small thing. The amount of insecurities a divorce causes a person are too many to count. It is the RARE person who feels great the day the papers are signed and move on triumphant. I think it is important not to candycoat the process. More than a few people regret going through the divorce process and remarrying only to find themselves sitting in the proverbial fire.

It makes me think of the old saying,"Wherever you go, there you are."

Other interesting things people say when marrying the person who will go on to make their life heck:

  • He/She is my life. (Do you really mean that you'll die without him or her?)
  • Meeting you was just like going home. (Did you like the home you grew up in?)
  • I love him to death. (That might just happen.)
  • It feels like I've known him/her my whole life after just one conversation. (You have known this person for one hour. You know this person as well as anyone can know anyone in one hour.)
Advice from the podcast:
  1. Research indicates that family and friends pick better spouses than the person. Get advice.
  2. Except for heinous situations, most judges won't give you the satisfaction of blasting your ex for their horrible ways.
  3. Divorce is always Lose-Lose and if there are children: Lose-Lose-Lose.
  4. Same amount of money supports two households instead of one after divorce.
  5. If you're going to get divorced, take the high road. Think a little bit more about doing the right thing instead of "winning."
  6. Don't disparage spouse to friends, family and most of all, to children.
  7. Try to work as much out as possible before going to the lawyer.
  8. No adultery. Nobody, including the Judge, likes it.
  9. Women, if you are being abused or your children are abused, bring criminal charges first. Any allegations brought up during the divorce will be viewed as suspect.
Listen to the whole podcast for free lawyerly advice.


Helen said...

Dr. Melissa,

Thanks so much for taking the time to listen to our podcast and summarize these important points

Dr. Melissa said...

Dr. Helen,
Thank you for coming on by! (And to all you readers, she's at the beach, too, isn't it nice she took time out of vacation?)

Great podcast!