"Most Women Are Liars, Manipulators and Backstabbing Bitches"

Yes, well, I'm receiving interesting emails, that's for sure. This one came in over the weekend and I've been debating how to respond to it. Here's what a reader named Komolan asks:

My name is Komalan [I'm striking his middle and last name for anonymity -ed.]. I'm 28yrs-old,grew up between Italy Switzerland and a few years in South-Africa too. I'm currently studying in Manchester UK.
I'll get to the point; I was grown up by my mother to respect a treat women as if they were all nice and righteous... fact is that after being single my whole life, and being treated like scum by women, I've come to the conclusion that, most women, are manipulators, lying and back stabbing bitches. I treat women nicely and get treated badly back. Don't get me wrong, I'm good looking, honest and treat everyone with respect; but I don't get that from women, well, most.
When I greet a woman maybe in a public place, she will "nod" and look at me as if I'm raping her...I can say that I cannot even have a normal conversation with a woman without being harrassed by one of them.
Can you explain why they behave this way...truth is that we men are really second class citizens.

Regards.

Komalon,

I'm sorry your experiences with women have led you to believe that most of them are bad. While it's true, there are some bad women out there, there are some good women, too. Your concerns are legitimate and I will address them in a minute.

First though, I want to talk about the concept of like attracting like. I'm not the only one to notice the pattern that birds of a feather flock together. Often we draw to us the exact sort of people we are like ourselves. Sometimes it's good to look outside your life like an impartial observer and see if you find patterns to the people you attract into your life. A friend of mine dated, successively, men of similar face, build and temperament. If you find yourself attracting a certain kind of woman, you might question what it is about you that attracts this kind. And ultimately, you have no control over how another might act or treat you, but you have control over how your actions and what you find acceptable in the behavior of others. Examine yourself. You say that you treat all people with respect and most women don't treat you with respect. Seek and build relationships with those who do treat you the way you wish to be treated.

Second, and more to what you're asking: Why are women lying, manipulating, backstabbing bitches? Lying: All people have trouble with the truth. Getting a straight answer from a woman can be even more difficult. Maybe conflict bothers her. Maybe she's afraid of hurting you. Maybe she thinks it's okay to lie because she has no moral foundation. Manipulating: People who manipulate see themselves in the one-down position. That is, an overt action would likely be met with confrontation, so manipulation is used to control. It's nasty behavior and difficult to deal with. Backstabbing: I'm taking that to mean that she acts one way to your face, but secretly does things that are mean or awful to you and you find out later. Some people just are out for themselves. Period. They will do anything to anyone to get what they want. It is wise to avoid these people, men or women. Unfortunately, they can be difficult to spot because they seem nice. Here's my advice, though. As soon as you see the bad behavior, bail. When someone shows you herself, believe her.

I'm going to give bitchiness its own paragraph. I have noticed that bitchiness as a character trait in women has come to be extolled especially among the younger women I see. Maybe it's the Paris Hilton effect. I don't know, but women seem to revel in being a trampy looking tease and then biting back and hard when a man appreciates the physical form--an action the woman was obviously trying to provoke. This double-bind is bullshit. Now, I've also known borish, aggressive men, but this post is operating under the assumption of a respectful, appreciative guy. There has been societal support for women to be ungrateful, using, and disrespectful. Maybe it's because they don't respect themselves. Or, more likely, maybe it's because they are spoiled rotten, entitled brats who are used to having things go their way.

Men struggle to be chivalrous, like I encouraged before, and are met with women who feel entitled to the respectful behavior while being bitchy and disrespectful themselves. Girls are socialized with Bratz dolls, see snotty, ditzy, superficial behavior in young adult role models, and hear how awful men are from the older women in their lives. Boys are made to seem bad by schools throughout and by college, girls are steeped in feminist culture where "sex is rape"--or that's what they hear in class. That message is mingled with "embrace your sexual freedom". So young women have this superficial view of women--empowered cock teases, essentially. And sometimes more than teases. They have sex, empty sex, and are taught to remove their attachment to the man and act "like a guy". They get hardened, because women are NOT wired like men and have a more challenging time having random sex. They feel used instead of empowered. They get bitter. And then they wonder why they hit 50 and don't ever get married. They tell themselves, "Men just can't handle a smart woman". Um, honey, maybe a man doesn't want your brand of woman. And then the woman herself feels betrayed. She bought the feminist crap and believed it and lived it.

Of course, not all women are like this. In fact, most women are not at all like this, but it takes time and patience to discover what sort of woman you're dealing with. And some women let you know up front. You have many years of dating ahead of you. I hope you'll look at yourself first--it's really the biggest part of the puzzle you control. And you also have control over who you ask out.

Be choosy.