Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Why Your Sex Drive Sucks

There are many reasons people have low sex drive. Guy friends find this amazing, but there are men who don't have any sex drive either. This makes for frustration all the way around. There are solutions to low sex drive, but behavior will have to change:

  1. Hormone imbalance--There are many causes for hormones to be off. Low fat diets, either too much body fat (increases estrogen production) or too little body fat, sluggish thyroid function, perimenopause for women, low testosterone for men, etc. It is one of the first places a person should look for low sex drive. Daily exercise where a person works up a sweat and a diet changes can make a huge difference here.
  2. Medication--Blood pressure, cholesterol lowering, birth control pills, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds and many, many other medications can kill sex drive. For those of you with blood pressure problems or cholesterol issues, know that you are trading sexual function for the luxury of eating your macaroni and cheese without stopping your heart. There are trade-offs. I've had a diabetic tell me with a straight face, "I'd rather die than stop drinking Coke." Well, okay, some of you are trading your sex life for the pleasure of eating junk. Just be aware that that's what you're doing.
  3. Messed Up Priorities--Do you really have to watch Sports Center again at 11:00 p.m.? You had a window and it slammed shut with your wife's tired eye lids. Get the kids to bed before your own bedtime. Putting kids to bed at 10 or 10:30 makes for sexual frustration. You're just too tired to do it. Turn off the TV, the computer, the book, the phone calls, the kids, the housework, whatever, and get in bed in time to have sex.
  4. Body Discomfort--Or, for men, you hate your wife's body. Rarely do men not indulge in sex because they're ashamed of their body, but women are often ashamed of their flaws and avoid sex just so they don't have to get naked in front of a guy. Men, you can go a long way to making your woman feel sexier. Tell her how hot she is. Touch her. Make it clear that you like her body the way it is and she'll be more likely to give it to you. Women, get over it. He doesn't care. He just wants it.
  5. You Hate Your Lover--Oh, you don't want to admit it, but there it is. Sex requires a certain amount emotional engagement. Some men and women find themselves nearly impotent because they cannot imagine having sex with him/her. Their drive is gone. Men are as prone to psychological impotence as women, here. It's called unresolved anger. Find a therapist and resolve it.
  6. Masturbation substitutes for the real deal--It's faster. It's easier. It's less demanding. It can be fit in to the routine. It's convenient for the emotionally stunted who have trouble in a mutual relationship. Whatever the issue, it's a substitute. Maybe it's not no sex drive, maybe it's misapplied sex drive. If you're in a relationship, it's unfair to divert the attention away from your mate.
  7. Busy-ness--This is related to messed up priorities. A packed schedule demands rescheduling. Sex is important to the contentedness of a relationship. Put it on the schedule. The fatigue that comes from stress and running around must be dealt with for there to be enough energy to even want sex.
  8. Physical or mental illness--Depression kills desire....for anything. Anemia causes fatigue that interferes with any activity. There are many illnesses that cause problems with blood flow and energy. The underlying sickness needs to be dealt with first. The low sex drive is secondary.
Sex drive is a complicated thing. The most important thing to bringing it back is the desire to have it. There are many women and men who just don't care about it, which might be fine for them. But a relationship means trusting the other person to be there for you in this way. If you're not willing to get thing straightened around for you, how about trying to for your partner?

A healthy sex life can make life a lot more fun for everyone.

34 comments:

Francis W. Porretto said...

"A healthy sex life can make life a lot more fun for everyone."

Oh? What if your sex drive is still vital, but your spouse's is null and void and she's just fine with that? When she's told you explicitly that she's lost all interest in sex and doesn't want you "bothering her" any more, what then? For whom does your sex drive make life "more fun?"

For some of us, the loss of our sex drive is a consummation devoutly to be wished. We yearn for it.

Anonymous said...

Frances, did you marry my wife? On our wedding night, she drove off in my truck to a motel, and left me behind. She's told me I was the worst, and she'd never had a climax in the 20+ years. She's pushed me away so long I no longer try.
Marry in hast, repent at leisure. Never again.
tomw

Melissa Clouthier said...

Francis & Anon,

This post was written for people like your wives. I'm sorry you've suffered so. Why have you stayed?

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that women, once they get down to it, generally enjoy sex as much as men...maybe even more. But they're usually more reluctant to get started.

Do you agree with this observation? If so, why would this be? Seems like if someone had a highly pleasurable experience, she'd be eager to repeat very soon...

jeff

doctorfixit said...

Self-gratification is a habit that starts when there is no opportunity for the real thing. None of the many women I have lived with had anywhere near the sex drive I had. I had to accept that women just aren't that interested - so they should accept that there are alternatives. If a woman wants more sex, all she has to do is ask for it. Not true for men. It's a seller's market, always has been. always will be. No one should ever feel guilty for taking care of themselves, nor should anyone be responsible for another person's sex drive or level of enjoyment. The gender sex drive mismatch issue would go away if prostitution was de-criminalised.

Melissa Clouthier said...

doctorfixit,

How very madonna-whorish! I know many women who have more sex drive than the men they're with. Uneven sex drive is one thing. A woman or man who swears off sex period is another thing entirely. One can be negotiated, the other is a problem to be solved.

And I'm not proposing that masturbation is wrong, but that using it as a substitute for the real thing is problematic when your partner desires sex more.

You say, "no one should ever feel guilty for taking care of themselves, nor should anyone be responsible for another person's sex drive or level of involvement." Really? Sex is a two way street. A loving partner will at least desire to satisfy their partner. Otherwise, why not be single?

Anonymous said...

"Women, get over it. He doesn't care. He just wants it."

Um, no. He does care. He's hung up about the fact that I no longer weigh exactly the same as I did 20 years and two kids ago, but he's the same. If I hear, "If you'd eat less and exercise more..." one more time, I'm going to scream. Yeah, I'm not as svelte as I used to be, but I'm not Big Bertha either.

Anonymous said...

I am one of those women who has not enjoyed sex with my spouse very much because of a lot of different reasons. Expectations that seem more than what I want to give. Saying "I love you" only around the time he wants to have sex. Being a grump to the kids as well as me...but nicey, nicey when it's time to do it. Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. However, never once, in all the years that we have been married did I ever deny him sex. Men are differently build than we are and they really do NEED it.

In regards to your statement, "He does not care." Oh yes, he does care. He is grossed out by fat people in general and even when I put on some extra pounds, I hear about it...and I am not a fat person.

Masturbation is a great way to at least release sexual tension and pain. I recently listened to a CD by Candice Pert and she highly recommends for people who do not have a regular sex life, to masturbate. It is just plain healthy.

I R A Darth Aggie said...

Why have you stayed?

I'm neither of the first two posters who's sad and sorry situation prompted the above question, but I'll take a stab at answering:

Divorce is a painful and expensive way to satisfy an itch that Rosy Palm and her five sisters can much less expensively deal with.

Especially if there are children involved. They can still be sweet and loving towards the mother of their children, even if they're no longer sexually intimate with each other.

Dr.Larry said...

This is one fact that might be unknown to the majority of the people and I bet once you people know the truth you would be completely jolted. It has been found in a research that watching too much porn might do no good to a person’s sex drive. Infact it might just yield the opposite results. And in case you get caught in ED for whatever reason you might need to take the help of the following link http://www.levitrabliss.com .

John McCain said...

Smoking is not a good idea for sex. Nicotine clogs the arteries and has negative impact on the blood flow. Erections become smaller and smaller in time and the sex drive wanes. Smoking also damages the lungs and makes the user less likely to sustain the physical exertion demanded by sex. It interferes with the use of zinc by the body, which is plain bad for your sex life. Stop smoking as fast as you can if you want to restore your sex life. http://www.chantixhome.com/

james said...

Viagra is an established brand known for providing magical cure against Erectile Dysfunction.

Dr. alen said...

Cialis promises long duration in physical relations. Cialis is prepared in a way that it provides your male organ strength to stand a long time. Once you have ordered cialis and have used it for sometime you will observe certain physical strength and internal motivation in your body.http://www.buy-cialis-online-now.com

sandy said...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . H e l l o . . . N i c e . . . B l o g . . . P U S H . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Joe said...

Erectile Dysfunction - ED Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the inability of a man to achieve or maintain an erection
sufficient for his or his partner's sexual needs. Most men experience this at some point in their lives, usually
by age 40. Incidence of the disorder generally increases with age. ED affects about 5% of men in their 40s and
15-25% of men by the age of 65. 50% of men over the age of 40 may experience transient ED and inadequate erection.
Some perfect resources for ed medicine. Top Ed medicine Viagra and Buy Levitraand the most powerfull medicine Order cialis

1314 said...

sex520免費電影免費ava片線上看xo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxo7777 netxxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊xxx383視訊sex520免費影片sex520免費影片sex888影片分享區sex888影片分享區sex520免費影片sex888影片分享區sex888影片分享區sex888影片分享區sex888影片分享區sex888影片分享區qq美美色網影片qq美美色網免費看qqgirl美美色網情qq美美色網aaaaa片俱樂部影片aaaaa片俱樂部影片aaaaa片俱樂部影片qq美美色網影片ss383a片免費下載dv影視hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hail said...

Viagra is the best choice medicine for erectile dysfunction as it can be taken regardless of the age of the patient and works unhindered with most medicines.

Sahara Thompson said...

Propecia comes in tablet form and should be taken only by men without liver problems. It should be taken regularly and needs to be taken with water - food is optional.

redison said...

viagra
is the best thing for me. I'm a frequent user and it never let me down. http://www.buyviagra.ms

"I’ve used this place cheap viagra
for 3 years to buy viagra and I am very happy with how it works. I also switch to another ED treatment , I also take cialis online
or cialis online
it also do great work for me, I Buy Cialis
for 2 years on the net and It works fine for me.

when I feel anxity I always go to http://www.buyvalium.name and buy valium
Buy Valium

when I want to go on a diet I always go to http://www.buy-adipex.us to Buy Adipex

ido said...

I originally Buy Viagra
from my Doctor when I went in for a physical that my work required. He gave me cheap viagra
Sample Pack that had six pills. I tried to buy viagra
before without any luck. the next night (Friday) I got really hard in about 20 minutes. I took a shower before we went to bed and basically had a hard on the whole time. I was able to flex my penis harder than normal. When I got out of the shower I came into bed, still with a rock hard erection- When my wife saw me at full attention, she asked "What got into you!?" I did not tell her I had purchase viagra
Pill, but that I was just super horny. We had a very good sex session- she had an orgasm, and I was able to keep it up during "reverse cowgirl", which is her favorite sex position. Last weekend while we were playing around, she even took a picture of erections to show her girlfriends at work! At first I told her "no way".

I am not sure yet if I am going to use viagra alternative
like cialis online
or to buy cialis online
since I have never try to use internet for buying drugs.
my friend told me I can Buy Cialis
someplace buy I am not sure if it is safe,

also I never used cialis before, I think I will purchase viagra

since prices are cheaper , so maybe It is better to use online pharmacy to buy viagra

then to buy cialis

online,
Doctor gave me various samples to choose from: generic cialis

, viagra online
, Generic Viagra
, Brand versions of them. I liked Brand Viagra the most. Now my sexual life is as good as ever, whenever I know I’m going to get laid, I pop the blue pill in my mouth an hour before the act. Brand Viagra literally saved my sexual life.

Bredelf said...

I think this is great that we have a lot of Online Pharmacy. Cause it is easier to save money with them. For example, I want to buy Viagra or buy Cialis or buy Levitra, then I just go to my favorite discount pharmacy and buy generic levitra. I choose it because this medicine works fine for me. My friend had some problems with health, his doctor prescribed him some antibiotics, so he spent about one thousand dollars!!!! If he knew about that pharmacies, he could save a lot of money and no physician needed.

D'r kepler said...

FDA approved mens health medication viagra is not a drug to be taken lighliy you should read all about the pros and cons regarding the medication before you buy viagra! or if you would like just to read about Viagra you can visit this location!

lior damari said...

buy xanax

viagra cheap

viagra

viagra alternative

purchase viagra

cialis online

xanax online

vicodin online

phentermine buy

buy valium

buy viagra

buy ultram

buy viagra

buy vicodin

phentermine online

buy phentermine

buy phentermine

buy cialis

vicodin

buy valium

buy ambien

hydrocodone

vicodin

valium

buy phentermine

cialis

viagra

adipex

buy cialis

viagra

DrJohn said...

What happens if you are taking, check with nonarteritic anterior ischemic optic neuropathy. Rare but no more information buy viagra about Viagra for because of PDE inhibitors, including diabetes. People on your medicines out of impotence was announced that year.

DrJohn said...

Its known side effects include increased sensitivity to sunlight and birth defects. Multum's drug buy accutane information is an informational resource designed to assist licensed healthcare practitioners in caring for their patients

male said...

For men who want bigger, harder, longer-lasting erections, there's now VigRX Plus™, a fresh twist on the already popular VigRX™, but designed to further enhance men's sexual functioning with the addition of three exciting new ingredients: Damiana, Tribulus, and Bioperin. Doctor endorsed and rated #1 for results by clients of penis enlargement consumers. rated two penis pills is vimax. if you find about male enhancement this products is the best and proven to work, there products have money-back guarantee in effectiveness and result.

aljellejay-r said...

I don't have much to say, as I honestly don't have any problems with my sex life.lol! I love my husband and he loves me, too! :-)
phentermine no prescription

binturlu said...

gaziantep evden eve
webtasarım
mp3 dinle
notebook tamiri
yatakodası
bilgisayar
bursa haber
bilgisayar

binturlu said...

Evenfashion Hamile Giyim Desen Giyim Sanayi (DGS) 1977 yılında İstanbul'da kurulup hamile giyim sektöründe üretime başlamıştır. Hamile giyim üzerine yapmış olduğu özel çalışmaları ile ürün yelpazesini geliştirdi ve bu alanda Türkiye'nin önde gelen üreticileerinden biri haline geldi.

2011Yılından itibaren hamile giyim sektörüne 2. markası 'EVEN FASHION' ı dahil ederek siz değerli müşterilerimizin beğenisine sundu. Böylelikle Türkiye ,Avrupa ve Orta Doğu'da toplam 1000'e yakın noktada tüketicileri ile buluşma imkanı sağladı.

binturlu said...

Sosyal imleme, sitenizdeki bir yazıyı binlerce insanla paylaşmanın en kolay yoludur. Bu kodda bulunan simgeler sosyal imleme sitelerine sayfanızı gönderir, kullanıcı kendi hesabına kolaylıkla sitenizi ekler ve geri dönen ziyaretçi kazanırsınız.

mavi said...

Mavi bilgisayar - Teknolojide doğru adres,bilgisayar,masaüstü bilgisayar,laptop ,dizüstü bilgisayar,oem malzeme satışı Mavi Bilgisayar'da ucuz bilgisayar bulunur.

film izle said...

Oyunlokali.com da okey oyna , 101 oyna , batak ve ihale oyunları sizleri bekliyor.oyunlokali ücretsizdir üye olarak online oyunlar oynayabilirsiniz.Oyunlokali.com okey oyna tavla oyna batak oyna 101 oyna

Sabra Allsbrook said...

this is so cool! I been browsing through different sites each day and yours is an interesting one. Thank you for great information.

Luxury Hotels In KANSAS City

Vinothini bbu said...

It’s really a great and helpful piece of data. I’m glad which you shared this helpful info with us. Please maintain us up to go out with like this. Thanks for sharing.
buy youtube views
buy youtube subscribers
buy youtube likes
buy youtube comments